quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
