make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
