i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
