i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
