I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
