Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
