really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
