So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
