My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
