my phone needs a breathalizer
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I just put wine in my tea
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
