Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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