For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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