He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
