i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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