his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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