I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
