I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
