Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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