you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
