Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
