I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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