I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
