Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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