i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
