they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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