I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
