His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
