We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
