Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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