Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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