oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
