white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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