In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
