this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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