you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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