evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My ass is underappreciated
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
