Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
