apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
