My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
