he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
