Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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