fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
