There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
