the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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