she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
ttyl tear gas
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think i got beer on your cat.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
