My liver just broke up with me...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Vodka?
Forever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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