I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize