So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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