The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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