Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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