moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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