It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
