I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
