How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You took a bar mat shot.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
