I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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