rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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