I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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