He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
