i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
