i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
