xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
