if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
