Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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