So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
