I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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