My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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