Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
