Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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