Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
