This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
